For many years, our nation’s approach to discussing racism has been avoidance. Statements like “we don’t see color” or “I didn’t own slaves” and formal or informal segregation policies in our communities have allowed those of us who hold racial privilege to move away from hard realities of injustice. The ability to avoid the topic of race is privilege.
As images of police brutality against Black people and the statistics of racial disparities in COVID 19 deaths fill our news feeds, White people are awakening en masse to this privilege and the destruction that avoidance can bring.
When we avoid emotional distress (such as considering the profound effect slavery has had on a people), it provides a short-term reprieve to our activated neurological systems. It is understandable then, that avoidance behavior gets reinforced and we may turn to it again and again as a way to feel better. When avoidance behavior becomes the only strategy to manage distress, we now have trapped ourselves into a small emotional world where any heightened emotion signals danger. Consider the studies on implicit bias against Black people or the racial disparities in prison sentencing.
When we finally turn toward our distress (often through a crisis moment), we can learn new ways of soothing ourselves that aren’t destructive to ourselves or others. We can feel more grounded in our values, less reactive to perceived or real criticism, more capable in holding space for any and all emotions. We can acknowledge the pain we’ve experienced and the pain we’ve caused. We can recognize the shared humanity in ourselves and others.
This is what I hope for our nation: that in this moment, we can invite the discomfort in. We can use this reckoning to feel shame, guilt, hope, love, grief, freedom and see the path forward toward healing and justice.